Joy in the Journey

Join us in Episode 2 as we dive deep into the theme of 'Finding Joy in the Journey'. In a world obsessed with end goals and highlight reels, we explore the often overlooked joy we can find in our days leading to these achievements. Sharing personal stories from our childhood and beyond, we reflect on the pitfalls of the 'I’ll be happy when...' mindset and how it shaped our journey through fitness, career, and personal milestones. We discuss the importance of enjoying the process, not just the destination and the vital role of self-talk and gratitude in making the journey fulfilling. Whether it's setting smaller, achievable goals or finding moments of joy in the mundane, we uncover ways to make each step count. Tune in for a heartfelt conversation about embracing life's lessons and evolving with every step.

Transcript

Brittany: [00:00:00] Welcome to Evolving with Every Step, your safe space for unearthing life's lessons. We're your sisters, Ashley and Brittany, and together we will explore the depths of life's 

experiences.

Ashley: We will discuss the growth and expansion that comes when we get curious around what these experiences can teach us.

So take a seat, join the conversation, and let's evolve with every step we take. We are so happy you're here. 

Brittany: Hello everyone and welcome to our second episode of Evolving With Every Step. We want to say thank you so much to all of you who reached out with so much support and positive feedback on our introductory episode. It meant the absolute world to us. 

Ashley: Oh yeah, we loved seeing all those photos and videos people were posting of listening to our podcast.

It felt like a dream come true. We really appreciated it and man, it just fueled us up to get into this next episode. 

Brittany: Yes. Now, before we do that, uh, it's important that we disclose we are [00:01:00] not mental health professionals. This podcast is in no way to replace therapy and or any medical intervention you may need.

We aren't coming into this as experts, and we don't have it all figured out. We are entering this space as students of life, and being a student of life means lessons are never over, uh, so we want to continue learning and growing with you each and every day. 

Ashley: Yes, we are. And so what are we learning today? Today, we're going to be talking about finding joy on the journey or in the journey. And I think this topic is so appropriate for our second episode because we are starting this whole new journey with this podcast and You know, in a culture where we are so focused on success, it seems like everywhere we look on social media, whether it's Instagram or TikTok or LinkedIn, we're constantly seeing people's achievements.

And for those of us that are really goal oriented and we're always looking [00:02:00] to that next thing, it can be really difficult to stop and find joy along the way and get really stuck in that thinking of, I'll be happy when. And the problem with that, that I still experience today that I have to work on, is the moment where we achieve that goal is so minimal compared to the days that lead up to each and every one of them.

So, you know, how do we conquer this? This is something that we've had to really confront within ourselves. And that's what we're going to talk today. So we're going to talk about a bit of our experiences and to talk about how we got curious about why we think that way. And then what are we doing? What have we learned from it?

And what are we doing now to move forward? 

Brittany: Oh my goodness. Since we decided this was the next episode that we were going to do, this topic has been So, Challenging me every day leading up to this recording, like that in itself, the goal of getting this recording done was something that I [00:03:00] was trying to be so patient with, 

and here we are. And when we, what's funny is what I also think about with this topic is anytime that you've achieved a goal, what do you look back on? For me, I'm always looking back on the process that it was for me to get there. Not so much as the feeling of actually achieving it

I'm always thinking of. Okay. I can't believe I got all that done to get to this point and all the skills that I've acquired to get to this point and all the hurdles that I've jumped through. Like when you think back on, for example, my husband did a marathon. He's thinking back on all the training that he did to get to that day and actually running that marathon as opposed to the actual metal that he got at the end of it.

Ashley: It's true. And The amount of work that you got to put into an achievement just makes it, that achievement, even that much more [00:04:00] amazing. So it's like, why, why can't we, as we are having those days where there's some days where you don't feel motivated, or it's an extremely difficult day to work towards that thing, we got to remind ourselves Man, when I achieve that thing, this moment where it's so difficult is going to make it feel so much better.

Brittany: It's all the sweeter. Absolutely. Delayed gratification. And I have to say, my experience with this, I think we both can agree. Uh, that it started through childhood, uh, with our childhood, we were always promised the, it'll be better when,

Ashley: Yeah. Well, before I dive right back into going right back to where that programming started, let's talk a bit about the moment where we realized this isn't, This isn't how life's supposed to be.

And I think for me, um, where that really started, I started questioning those things was more in my adult years. You [00:05:00] know, when you're, uh, when you're a kid and you're in school, I feel like you're given so many opportunities to get that little token of achievement, whether it's through your test or essays or if you're in sports and you get a goal.

There's all these moments growing up when you become an adult. Achievements take a lot longer. You know, whether you want that promotion at work, or you're trying to improve your mental health, because at that point you've been through so much more. And, you know, your metabolism slows down, so your weight goals or your fitness goals all of a sudden become a little bit more difficult.

You realize it all, it takes a lot more work and I was just finding, I was in my 20s and you know, I'd want to get to these goals, they take so long to get there. So I was just shocked by how long that took. And then I was miserable. Like when I look back on parts of my 20s, they were really hard. And I mean, Look at the things we set out to achieve.

You know, we wanted to move to Toronto and live downtown for a few years. We managed to do that. There were jobs we were unhappy in, we wanted to get out and get into new [00:06:00] jobs. We did that. There were fitness goals we wanted to achieve. We did that. But the thing is, is I was so miserable through so many of those days and I realize it's because of the way my brain was programmed.

when I was younger. And so, I mean, before we dive back into a bit of that history, are there some examples you just want to share that maybe some people can relate to of journeys you were on that you just could not enjoy those days? 

Brittany: Oh, yeah. Oh, I have so many of them. So the biggest one I would have to be is my fitness journey.

If any of you Followed me on Instagram. You know, I was really big into trying to get into the fitness inspo world, um, was a personal trainer, group fitness instructor for a short time, but. The fitness journey in itself, we'll have a whole other episode dealing into body image issues, but I had so many goals for myself and I [00:07:00] was, I was determined to get there, um, to a point where I was actually like harming my, my body, like trying different pills, different drastic dieting, just to rush to that finish line thinking I will be happy once I look like this.

All the while ignoring the little achievements that I had along the way of like reaching a new personal record on a heavy lift or just improving my mobility in certain ways or learning a new skill in that journey was a really big one. Uh, studying through school too, I would say as both, uh, elementary school, high school, university, I had that delayed gratification.

Where I would deprive myself of any fun or hanging out with my friends on a Friday night. To rush through getting my homework done because I know I will not be able to be happy until I finish this, because it'll be on the forefront of my mind. And it showed in my grades, too. It showed that I [00:08:00] did rush through these things and teachers continuously telling me, you know, if you just took a little bit more time on this, I feel like you would have done a lot better.

You would have gotten a better grade. And similar, as you said, jobs, like trying to find that new job that would fulfill my financial goals, uh, help me develop more skills. As soon as I achieved any of those, I was still unhappy. I'd have like that little twinge of happiness of like, yeah, we got here, but now what's the next thing.

And it was same as you, this light went off in my head that. My life will be filled with goals. It'll be filled with new achievements that I'll want to embark on, but I need to be able to find happiness in the in between because the in between is so much longer. Then that finish line 

Ashley: well said, and I think as human beings, I think we're always meant to continue to grow and to continue to progress in life, which means I think we're all going to have a little bit of a sense of, [00:09:00] I don't want to say dissatisfaction, but we're never going to feel 100 percent content because there's always going to be things for us to work on and work towards.

So that's why we need to, we really need to slow down and appreciate the days that we are. Um, and we're learning and we're growing so to take a look back. So, you know, we both seem to get to this point where we were saying, why am I like this? Why can't I just? Enjoy my life on the way to where I'm going.

And a lot of it, when looking back, is rooted in what was programmed in us as we were growing up. We won't get into all the nitty gritty of everything. We will have an episode where we dive a bit deeper into some of the, uh, trauma experience that we had growing up. To provide some highlight though, um, 8 and I was 10.

Our father had to go in for his second liver transplant, and that seemed to be when everything, life up to that point seemed to be perfect. And then from then, things just were [00:10:00] constantly chaotic. Things could change, it just felt like there was always going to be a shoe that was going to drop, and at that age it was tough because for us it was, dad might die, and we were old enough to recognize that at any moment we could get that phone call from the hospital that he didn't make it.

And from then I remember That saying from mom saying it will get better when it'll be better when dad gets home He got home and you know during that time. It was the early 2000s. That's when The issues with Oxycontin started people were getting prescribed and people were getting addicted He was one of those people that were prescribed this and was a part of that And on top of that they changed his medication.

So his mental health Um, there was other factors in business and other things in his life that took a heavy hit on him. And it spiraled him into a really dark place and he became an alcoholic and became verbally and mentally abusive. And [00:11:00] I think mom truly believed it. She did believe that once we were able to fix this thing, it would get better.

And once we, you know, the business sold and that drama was out of the way, it would be better. Or once we moved, it would be better. And I think she truly believed it.

Brittany: Yeah, 

Ashley: I don't I am not upset that she ever said it because the truth is I think it became this little light of hope for us that we were constantly working so hard for or putting up with the trauma because we thought it would end at this point and so unfortunately though what happened with that was there was this constant learning of we're gonna work really hard and Put up with all of this and then it's going to get better and we get to that point and it didn't get better and so we were starting to learn that when you work really hard and you put yourself through a lot it doesn't pay off and then on top of that a big part of dad's downfall was The loss, or the, the uh, negative impact [00:12:00] that a few factors had on the business where it ended up going down, they had to sell it, and he sacrificed so much of his time, his time with us, his time for himself, to build this business, and then the constant narrative after all that happened What a waste.

I wasted all my life. I built this up. It was like losing a child. Like, that's what he compared it to. And it was teaching us that you can work so hard and get success, and then it can get ripped away from you at any moment. So, all of a sudden now, you fast forward to our adult years, and I'm trying to work towards a goal.

And the narrative in my head is, what's the point? It's not going to get better once we get there. Or what's the point? You might experience that great achievement that's going to get ripped away from you. So I was constantly resisting my own self along the journey. And then I also was starting to self sabotage myself.

And then if anyone [00:13:00] is familiar with that behavior within themselves, it's so disheartening because you'll be doing so well. And I remember going like, 30 days, 60 days of just, say, going for a fitness goal, and all of a sudden I'm on day 60, and it's like these alarm bells go off in my head, all of a sudden I'm at McDonald's, like, eating a burger, or having that glass of wine I shouldn't have had, because I'm, in a sense, was trying to control the narrative in my head of it's gonna get taken away.

It's like, well, let's control that moment of it getting taken away. You'll just do it yourself. So It's like, it's no wonder that we were so, or I was so miserable on all these journeys because I was just waiting for it to all get ripped away. That is very interesting. We have similar but different perspectives on, like, we had the same origin story of where this came from, but interpreted it in different ways.

Like, I actually could not be happy until that goal was achieved. But for me, I deprive myself of any [00:14:00] happiness in between. For you, it was that fear of it, you achieving it, and it getting ripped away. And that is absolutely crazy how similar experiences can lead to different beliefs, different narratives, coming through it at the end.

Oh, for sure. It was, it was essentially a fear of success. And I, I, it sounds so silly, but this is also why I love that we're coming in as sisters and doing this because two people can grow up in the same household, experience or be exposed to the same things, but our experiences and our takeaways from it and the narratives we build are going to look different.

Brittany: Oh, absolutely. That fear of success is so real. I think a lot of people can relate to that too because you're just so used to being in this. Negative space or space of lack that once you do get that abundance or success that you've been working towards, you don't know what to do with it. And it is that fear of losing it [00:15:00] too, of like, what do I do with all this?

What do I do if it's gone? But it's just let yourself enjoy it when you get there. And you where life takes you, because it might not get taken away. And if it does, you develop skills throughout the way to help achieve maybe even something better at the end. Yes. 

Ashley: And, you know, get, get curious around what, what's the narrative going on in your head while you're on this journey?

Like, really stop and think about what you're saying to yourself. Because, you know, with this, I realized this narrative was coming from our childhood. And I'm not going to fault that because, and, and this is where we also need to, when we get curious, ask yourself, what did that serve at that time? Because I really believe that mom saying it's going to get better when, that was a saving grace to me because that was my hope.

Brittany: That was our light at the end of the dark tunnel that we were in at that time. We really needed that. It will get [00:16:00] better. When? And in certain instances, there were little things that did get better. As different things throughout that life changed. But new demons did come up out of that as well. And it is important to also point out each time that you level up, there is going to be a new devil there for you to approach a new, some more shadow work that you're going to have to do to work through.

And that's also where that, where you get to that goal, you have that peak of happiness. And then something else comes up where you're like, well, now I need to do something better is some more, maybe there's some more shadow work there that you have to work through. 

Ashley: Exactly. 

And learning to not be. Not having resentment towards the programming that was there from the beginning, like I said, I do not fault my mom for saying that, and it served a purpose in that time, but now recognizing that that thinking, that programming doesn't serve me [00:17:00] now where I'm at in my life, so I need to change the programming.

around how I approach the journey. So with that said, Brittany, what are some, what are some things that you've learned and that you've even started to apply as you try to enjoy the journey?

Brittany: I'll give a very real example that happened just in the last year.

So, in, in order for me to move up in my job, I did have to get my life license for group insurance. And that, if I looked at the, Broad goal of achieving my life license. I had to pass in total 12 exams to get there and Four of which had to be in a very restricted Dungeon of a room with a proctor on video and if I looked at that, oh my gosh, I have to achieve 12 exams to get my license, just so I can move up in my job, I would have never done it.

But instead, there were three different criteria of exams I had to pass, [00:18:00] of which contained four separate exams under each three criteria. So what I did is I just separated it, compartmentalized it into three separate goals. Three small, separate goals to achieve being, okay, get through this first round of four exams.

Celebrate. Yes, I qualified into the next level. So, to break that down more generally, create smaller goals for myself to get to that big end goal. Each time I make that achievement, I celebrate it. Because you know what? That is a big deal that you got to that first goal of yours. You put yourself that much further to the end result and it makes it so fun.

I reflect back to on what did I learn through this? What new skills did I develop or what did I learn about myself that I need to work on to get stronger or change and I get to know myself a little bit more

Ashley: that is such a good point. And that's something that I've tried to [00:19:00] incorporate as well. And I've realized something about myself is, I can't look at the big goal. I gotta go small. Even, even at work, if I'm prepping a presentation, I can't go, I'm gonna prep this whole presentation right now. I gotta do a slide at a time.

Or a section at a time. And if you can just, Break them down into bite sized pieces, then it becomes a win and make them as small as you need to. It could be something like daily or weekly. It makes such a difference in building your confidence as you're working towards that end goal. Mm hmm. 

Brittany: We can even apply this to, if it's not a goal like, I want to achieve X, Y, Z.

It could be personal developments too. It could be Improving your mental health to get to, to, if you're somebody that's anxious and you say, I just want to not have a freak out over every minor inconvenience because my anxiety acts up so [00:20:00] quickly, it gets so triggered. First step could be finding a mental healthcare professional.

First goal done. You found that professional get to my first appointment and Ashley and I can both speak to this, that it's a very gradual progression that you notice in yourself as you keep going to these sessions and showing up for yourself and doing the work after the sessions, because therapy isn't about showing up for that one hour a week.

It's about doing the work in between. And then all of a sudden you're realizing. Hey, I had all these challenges face me today and I didn't freak out once I was actually able to do the deep breaths work through it. I was very level minded and all of a sudden you feel like a new person. Those are some goals to, to think of not just getting like running that marathon or achieving that fitness goal or getting that new career.

Ashley: Yeah, mental health is huge, I know, you know, and it's not in a straight [00:21:00] line, like you might go a few steps forward, you take a couple back, but it's, it's like what, sometimes the amount of steps back weren't as many as the time before, you know, I've had moments where I've gotten really discouraged about situations, and I end up being in a really, almost depressed kind of mood, and sometimes in the past that would have lasted me a month.

Or, you know, maybe two weeks. I now will have a moment and I'm now at a point where sometimes it'll last 20 minutes. I'm like, Oh, I'm down. And then I, I snapped myself out of it. And I have to appreciate that because there was a time where it would take over my entire day or my entire week. And now it's just lasting a small fraction of time.

So you got to take those little wins when you can and really appreciate it. 

And so what it comes down to is, these little small steps along the way, is when we're on a journey somewhere, we need to recognize that things aren't going to be perfect.

And when they're not perfect, [00:22:00] how can we get curious about it? How can we learn from it? And then we keep going. 

Brittany: Yeah, absolutely. It is not a, it's not always a linear process. Sometimes you fail in a step. The real failure is not continuing, not pushing yourself to keep going unless you actually recognize that it's not for you, but it's the failures where you learn the most along the way as well.

Ashley: So something else I want to talk about, and this has been huge on my journey to really appreciating the journey as well as appreciating once I finally have achieved that goal, is gratitude. I know this is something that we see pop up on social media all the time, but it really is so important. When we're in situations we don't like, whether you're in a job you don't like, maybe you don't like where you're at physically, or where you're at mentally, or anything, right?

We can look so easily to all the things that aren't going right in our life. [00:23:00] The problem with that is our brain then is getting trained to always look for what's wrong. We have to, and it's really difficult, but we have to start training our brains to look towards what we do appreciate. And if you're saying that everything in your life is going to hell, then I'm saying at least wake up in the morning and say, I am so grateful I am alive this morning.

I'm like, go, go to basics if you have to, and just be grateful that you're alive. Be grateful that you're able to make yourself breakfast. But you need to start looking for the small things in, in everything. If you don't like your job, say, I'm grateful I have a paycheck. I am grateful that I have a roof over my head.

And the reason why we need to do it on the journey is because when you get to that goal, If you are not thinking in gratitude, then when you finally achieve that thing, you're still going to be looking for all the things that are going wrong. And you're not going to enjoy where you, where you've [00:24:00] landed, because you're still seeing all the negative.

And so it's just, it's so important, not just for enjoying when you finally get to that goal, but you've got to keep that gratitude going, or else Everything's going to be negative. 

Brittany: Absolutely. I've made it a practice because I have to say my brain, um, is defaulted to a lower wavelength by meaning it tends to go towards the negative quite often.

And that's just, it's how I've been since I was a child. I've always been very low energy, um, always thinking on the negative side, but I've tried to make a conscious effort every morning, just simply.

I am so thankful that I can put my two feet on the floor, that I can walk to my bathroom, I can brush my teeth, I can see myself in the mirror. I can drive myself to the gym, like, just thankful for the very basics. And [00:25:00] that alone has made such a difference in the gratitude I experienced throughout the day.

Early morning is where your brain is most vulnerable to be programmed to the state you want it to be at. And starting your day with gratitude just puts you on the right foot forward. 

Ashley: And we're not talking about gaslighting yourself. If you are in, if you're in a job, for example, that's toxic, you don't like it, it's, you're burning out, or, you know, if you are in a situation where your health isn't doing well and you're trying to improve upon it, this isn't me saying, just be happy.

Just enjoy life because the truth is is you're in a situation that doesn't align with you And so there is going to be an uncomfortable feeling that is fine What I'm saying is try to find Gratitude so that you can recognize it when you get yourself out of that situation You can truly be happy when you are out of it 

Brittany: Well, I think this is an [00:26:00] excellent spot to leave our podcast off in the state of gratitude, being grateful in the place where we are now so we can be more grateful once we get to our destination. What we want for our listeners today is to take away these points. Let's get curious around the narrative that's running in our head.

Why are we thinking these things of rushing to our next goal? Why we're not happy now? Really think back on the route of where those came from and explore them with curiosity. And where can we create small wins along the journey so we can celebrate each step that we're taking to get to that end destination wherever that destination may be.

Creating those small wins can help us feel more motivated and encouraged that we're on the right path to get there. And how can we create gratitude in our day to day so we can be grateful for what we have now open up the doors for more abundance coming to us and [00:27:00] gratitude once we get to the end of our destination and moving forward.

Ashley: Yes, we encourage everyone to think on those points. And we hope that. This conversation inspires you to embrace your joy along your journey. And so with that, we do want to thank you for joining us today. It has been a pleasure to delve into one of life's many 

lessons. 

Brittany: Don't forget to join us for our next episode where we'll continue to explore and evolve together.

If you enjoyed today's discussion, please subscribe and share with a friend who may benefit from today's episode. You can follow us on social media, Instagram, and tech talk at evolving with every step for more insights and behind the scenes content. 

Ashley: And until next time, remember to embrace every experience with curiosity so you can evolve with every step.

We'll see you in our next episode.